I mainly did this for myself, but I wanted to share it with my family and friends so please bear with me...thanks - Bob
“This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ” Philippians 1:9-10 (NIV)
I am not much for the significance of dreams and I cannot say that I have had any divinely inspired visions. But rolling over in the middle of the night, I began thinking about where life had taken me. I guess, as you get older you spend more and more time looking in the rearview mirror. And as I was thinking about all the places God had taken me, I began to envision my life like a ride on a train.
First stop: High School station, where I got off the train and spent four great years involved in sports and basically having fun with my friends. When I got back on the train, I looked back to see all my buddies waving goodbye from the platform only to pull into College station. More years there and I am back on the train, as it pulls away I am waving goodbye to friends while the train pulls away. Next stop: the Air Force, where I met Kathleen, and after a few years we are back on the train, this time to
This time it stops at
We have been here, in
What I desperately want to tell you is not about my “stops” on the trip. That would be like boring you with an evening of my home slides or movies! What struck me about my middle of the night “vision” is this: The only people who have gone all the way with me are my wife, my children, and my God. All other involvements, relationships, and pursuits that captured my attention and drove the agenda of my life at times are, in retrospect, only transitory—nice things, nice people, and worthy causes that at the end of the day quickly become a part of history never to be reclaimed. Life is seasonal and only a few precious things are ultimately really important.
Living as though a season of life lasts forever is dangerous. If that’s your perspective, then you will easily ignore what is significant in the long term for what seems important in the moment. I guess that’s why someone once said that on the deathbed of life no one will wish he had spent more time at the office. It’s the treachery of the thrill of an affair, the gain of a life on the road for a company that will turn you out at 55. Living now for everything that seems so important—our friends, our careers, our desires and dreams—if we are not careful, may just mess up what’s really important in the long haul.
When I was young it seemed like life was the slow boat to
I guess what I want to leave everyone with or the bottom line is: that only God and a few really important people are going all the way with you. Make sure they get the best part of you!
5 comments:
Wow...that is quite a powerful reflection. (she says with a lump in her throat.)
Thanks for taking the time to write down what is on your heart...it's so true and really what I needed to hear as I am currently in the "too busy to enjoy my family" stage of life.
Mom has been waiting all week to hear from you, but I will not print this out for her. She would be devastated to learn that she is not included in the important people in your life.
Sue, I am not sure why you read into what I wrote to make you think that Mom, you and your family or Brad and his family are not important people in my life.
As my Mother she is and always will be an important part of my life; she and Dad shaped me into who and what I am today. I did not include Dad either and even though he has gone to be with the Lord he still was an important part of my life as are you and Brad.
The illustration that I used was that of a train going from place to place and once I left high school I was not around much any more and so Mom, Dad, you and Brad were not mentioned in my illustrations.
I am guessing that the statement, "The only people who have gone all the way with me are my wife, my children, and my God." is what you were referring to. These are the people who have lived with me for the last thirty plus years through thick and thin. I did not intend to list an all inclusive list of important people there were lots of neighbors, teachers, professors, pastors, friend that were not mentioned that played a very important part in my life, but they are not family.
I am sorry that what I wrote upset you, it was not my intention. Nor was it my intention to indicate that Mom was not one of the important people in my life. I did not think that what I wrote would be interpreted that way at all when I wrote it; if I had thought that I would not have written it.
Bob, I appreciate that you shared your reflections of your life so openly. It is difficult to do that. To more fully comprehend how important it is to give our little family the best – off the top and not what is left over from everything else we think we have to do and articulate it for all to read takes guts.
I am glad that we have been a part of your train. I know that not being able to spend much time around your folks back in New York can be tough.
Some of your most fond recollections are of your childhood. A lot of that had to do with living so close to your grandparents, spending time with uncles and aunts and cousins but most of all, it had to do with being raised in a wonderful family in the perfect location for an aspiring beach bum. Your gorgeous mom was there to encourage you, your brother and sister to give you some balance and your grandparents were there for continuity. I wasn’t used to seeing pretty moms who had a great sense of humor. I loved your grandpa’s quick wit and the twinkle in his eye.
Then, there was your dad. There was no mistaking that you were his son. You looked like a stretched out version of your dad. His gift for singing didn’t get thrown your way but your passion for God and politics was. I laugh now, but I could never understand your phone conversations with your dad and the fervent discussions you would have. One would think that you were trying to convince someone of something but in reality, no convincing was needed. You were two peas in a pod sharing a common interest. Now you have to settle for talking with friends and watching Fox News. It isn’t the same at all but I know where that pursuit of what is right comes from. Loosing him changed your life.
You, like your dad, ended up leaving your home to move closer to your wife’s family, although this didn’t quite have the positive affect on our family as it did for you all back on Durkee Lane. We were unable to visit your folks much at all. And, there were big differences in our families. Yours gave you the emotional stability and confidence that made it possible to go on the great adventure of your life.
There may always be some thoughts of wishing for a do-over or two but not until we had grandchildren ourselves, did I comprehend the undoable. With my own children, it nagged at the back of my mind that we were all missing out on important relationships but I didn’t have the energy to do much about it. It was when I understood the delight and joy grandchildren can bring that I fully comprehended how important it is, not just to the kids but also to the grandparents, to spend time with each other.
I also understand that, as a grandparent, I also have a responsibility in their lives that isn’t possible at great distances. I get frustrated that it takes all of 30 minutes to get to Alyssa’s and almost as long to Andrea’s houses. I love being much closer to Aaron’s and Toni’s. If any one of them lived thousands of miles away, it would be a difficult adjustment to make.
As you have told me many times, not in these words but in many ways, the train of your life left the comfort and security of the Durkee Lane Roush Station many years ago but the connection and reality of their importance to you has always been one of the things that kept you on the track.
Your little old wife, Kathleen
okay...somebody better pass the kleenex. I think we all need a group hug!
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